Maybe now this will be different.
14 April
"Here I am again on my own..."
Been a hectic and stressfully month it has. First of all I didn't get my license, mainly because P decided that he can't take me driving at all. Not so happy at all let me tell you.
J and I are doing fine, I wish things could be better between us, but things such as H has caused us many problems. Right now we are looking for an apartment, but we can't seem to find any way to get up enough money, considering the fact that every time we have some saved up one of the cars breaks. Last time it was the breaks and the ball joints. Eventually we will find one.
H moved back in...then moved out a week later. P said it was because of issues with the place she was staying when she didn't have a day off. But her mom decided to ream me out because it is all my fault. That didn't make me very happy.
WM is more stressful then ever. I got hurt about a month ago, and because I am still in pain I finally went to the doctors today. I know, I am stubborn. So it didn't help that I was already stressed now I have to deal with intense pain too. I am sick of all of it. But because I live so far away I can't find a job easily. Hopefully when we move that will make it much easier, well see.
J and I are fine, I do not take that back, but we aren't doing well individually. Because of our stress our relationship has been taking a strain. I am trying not to take anything out on him, and he is doing the same, but all I want to do lately is cry. That is the only way I know how to deal with stress. And that is frustrating him more. Because he has no credit he can't get a credit line through the bank, so now he is upset with the fact that we might have to stay with P a little longer, and all though I can't blame him, I wish he wouldn't stress over that. At least H isn't here anymore. That should make it a little easier.
So that is pretty much all that is up right now. I will probably have more soon.
09 March
Here's the queen of not updating! I have been so busy that I haven't had much time at all to even have time for myself.
So here's what has happened lately.
J got a promotion. He is now a dept. manager at work. I am happy for him, however work isn't happy that I can only work as late as 9 to 6. They want me 11 to 8 but I can't do that and drive in with J. He works 7 to 4. And on top of that we don't even get the same days off. We never see each other. But soon that will change. Now exciting news number two.
I got a car. It is a little suburu impreza and I love it. I have driven it twice, but I still love it. Hopefully I will get a license by the end of the month then I can look for a new and better job. Pray for me!
Other than that no more exciting news.
I really don't tak to anyone at work anymore because I am sick of people getting angry with me because they ask what is wrong and I tell them. So from now I on I am bottling a whole lot up. I can't talk to J about it because he gets pissy and I never see him. I am sticking to the don't ask don't tell.
J and I have a few days off at the end of the month together. We had to schedule them. That is sad. If I need to see my boyfriend I need to schedule time to do so. That kinda makes me mad. But you know what happens if he becomes Asst. Manager at some point. Then I will never see him. Hopefully when he does go it won't be overnights. I can only pray I suppose.
I am going to go see my family some time in July. I am not sure when yet and I won't tell them so it is a surprise. I think I need to see them. And all my cats. Especially Callie. I miss her the most.
Well that is all for today. I will try to write more often.
06 February
I had today off again and I did do anything except for Taebo and made lunch for tomorrow. The very first time I have ever made beef stew from scratch. I am trying to watch what I eat now, maybe then I will be able to loose more weight quicker than eating whatever I want and exercising. I think keeping track of what I eat helps. You will eat less if you do. I am not sure what to make for dinner tomorrow night. I might make shake and bake chicken, but I am not sure. I am also drinking more water. I am on my fifth glass for today. I am really excited about this. I am hoping that I will loose enough that when I get to go see my parents then I will surprise them lots.
Upon making dinner tonight I burned my arm pretty bad.
This is not a joke.
I must go now.
Good night all.
04 February
Well we didn't make it to work today. We couldn't get out of our driveway because of the snow and the conditions were bad on the main roads. So we stayed home. Not that I am all that happy about it though, I will probably get yelled at work tomorrow for missing today. Grrr....
Good news though. P finally gave me my own little space. Now I have a room to myself. One thing though; when watching a movie by myself I missed J. I know that sounds sad considering I was only a house length away, but for some reason I missed him so much. So I settled for moving things in there and keeping some in my room. That way I can still be with J but still be able to escape him every once in a while. But for the meantime I am going to stay in here for a little while.
We have giving up on the apartment thing for right now. I mean I still want to move out, but we are going to try and get a lot of bills paid off first. As soon as my income tax refund and my bonus check comes in I am going to pay off some bills. As many as I can. We now owe P a lot of money. He bought insurance for J's car and so now we get to pay him more every paycheck. I am hoping that paying like we plan will work. That way I can get things for my new room. Once I have some of my bills paid off and if we aren't moving in somewhere then I am going to take some time off of work. I mean not a lot of time, but a week in may and I might cut my hours a little. I still want to go to school in the fall but if we are going to move in somewhere we won't be able to afford both. GRRR....again.
I am still worried about work though. I was spoken to on Sunday because customers were complaining about me complaining. But what they said I was complaining about isn't true. So instead of them believing me, I got in trouble. Then the next day the store manager said he needs to talk to me. I am sure that it is what I was spoken to about, but I am not sure. I guess I will have to see when I go in tomorrow. Worried I am. I hate this...I am not even sure this is what he has to talk to me about, but what else would he have to talk to me about. I am hoping that he will believe me.
For now I am done.
30 January
J did get the position, and the good news is that we have the same schedules! Yay for having more sleep!
I went to the hospital on Friday, they took a lot of bloodwork and the results weren't all that good. My cholesterol is way to high for someone my age and my anxiety isn't much better. So I am going to see a dietrition? On the 17th and J bought me the TaeBo series so that I can start working out much more. I am hoping to lose some weight before the summer and it will take a lot of work, but I think I will be happier in the end.
J and I have been looking for apartments and I found one I love! We were driving down the street and I saw the building and said it would be great to live there. Then we bought a paper, and that building has apartments for rent! They are a really good price. So we might be moving in, I am not sure when, but I do hope it happens soon.
P's daughter might be "camping" out here for a few weeks which makes J and I want to move even sooner but I am not sure yet.
G isn't talking to me lately. She hasn't been talking to anyone, but it still hurts. She told J some stuff(he won't tell me and I don't expect him to) but it is just weird. I miss talking to her. But I am not going to say anything about anything until she talks to me first, only because I don't want to cause any more, if I have, stress for her. This sucks.
Time to do laundry.
24 January
I stayed home sick today. Nasty head cold I have. It sucks. I move my head and it feels like my brain is mush! Grr...
J might be starting a new position soon. We will have to work much earlier, but in the same shoe we will get out sooner! Yay for possible time! Now if only I could get J to learn how to get less then 8 hours of sleep.
Yay for clean sheets. I washed all my bedding except my big quilt! I get to sleep in clean sheets. I need sleep. I hate being sick. And J is bringing me home some salad and breadsticks from Olive Garden!
Other than that nothing much has changed. I am trying to go to school in the fall! Ever so happy about this. And I am hoping that I won't be wasting money by going. That is why I am going to take it one semester at a time, I realize that it might not be the best for me to be in school. I am much happier working and not having to give all my money away, but hey what can you do? I need an education to get places in this world!
Oh and I finished another layout in my scrapbook today. I have started on another one. This makes me happy. Little things that take up my time and make me happy are things that create me!
Okay all done...talk to you all later.
19 January
I just tried to put comment on my page. I am not sure if it works yet.
I haven't written in this forever. Sorry for those that are reading. I am not trying to forget to write, it is stressful here with A still living her even though she said that she was going to move out the first of the month and now she isn't moving out until the 28th. Grrrrr.... I need my space back. As soon as she moves out P's son might move in, not so thrilled about that either.
Work is the same...boring...and maybe someday I will have time to think there. Speaking of which I need to head there now. I will try to write again soon....
Leave a comment so I can see if it works.
